The rationalist worldview that I adopted also dovetailed nicely with my interests in theoretical physics, astronomy, and math. So for a time everything fit together nicely. I wasn't "struggling" with competing worldviews that were inherently at odds. The rationalist view fit into this all-or-nothing mindset I described in the last post. There weren't any compromises necessary, no interpretations, no POMO deconstruction or relevatism. If nothing else, everything was a math equation at bottom and people tend not to argue with math :) . I felt like I had a "system" that "made sense" and that I could be at peace with. At least at first.
It turns out that it was a fair amount of work to re-train myself to think like a rationalist all the time. Whether it was due to Catholic upbringing or my study of Religion or D&D fanboydom, I kept catching myself thinking of non-empirical, non-rational, spiritual type things. I would have conversations with myself reminding myself that I don't believe that stuff anymore. It really turned out to be (mental) work. Not as arduous as living the conservative Catholic life, but work still. But all I had to do was read some more Dawkins (or listen to some evangelical Christian) to know that I had made a wise choice.
But always in the back of my mind ... this ... loneliness over the fact that, illusion or not, all the "other stuff" was now gone from my worldview.
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